It’s almost that time of year again: Valentine’s Day, Schmalentine’s Day. Whether you celebrate or not, any day is a good day to express that the love is strong with this one. Not sure what to get? Don’t worry your little nerdy head; you’ve got enough stress, wondering when George R.R. Martin will actually drop the next ‘Game of Thrones’ book; I’ve scoured the interweb high and low, day and night, Bilbo’d all the Baggins, and I’ve found some prettay, prettay, prettay good gift ideas for that special geek in your life (or yourself).
For The Gamers We Love: Not sure where to start? A Playstation 4 is what I like to call “f*cking expensive,” and if anyone ever got me one, I’m fairly certain I would propose on the spot, (I digress) so here are some cheaper alternatives:
1. For the sensitive gamer:
2. For the nostalgic, coffee-drinking gamer who powers up your heart, (sorry.):
3. For the Zelda lover that you’re protective of:
For the Sar Wars Nerds: These ARE the gifts you’re looking for. Any Jedi will love these Star Wars themed gifts.
4. For the Hans and/or Leias. They’ll love these. You know.
(Necklace and cufflinks, available here)
5. For the bakers! They will love to use these and you will love to eat what they make, because those cookie cutters R2 cool. Everyone wins:
6. The mug game will be strong with the lucky padawan who gets these:
7. A digital, frameable print for the couples on the dark side:
(Get this here)
8. That’s no moon… it’s a Death Star tea infuser:
For the TV Junkies: Too. Many. Shows. Never enough time. If your nerd’s hooked on shows from the likes of HBO, Netflix, and AMC, I got you covered.
9. For your lady nerd and Game of Thrones fan, who might want to represent her favorite House across her ass in lieu of the word “Juicy,” because, let’s face it, it’s much sexier in the nerd world.
(Get cheeky here)
10. For the true Dothraki-speaking Khal & Khaleesi:
11. For Your Favorite Beer-Drinking Whovian:
(Pint glass available here)
12. For Doctor Who fans and sleeping fans:
(Buy pillows here)
13. Clean me up, Scotty (sorry, again.)
(Unisex robe, available here)
14. For someone who looks like they’d be tasty… if you were a zombie:
(Download this card here)
15. This is essential for the meme-loving ‘Walking Dead’ fan in your life:
16. Nothing says “I love you” more than a bracelet entrusting someone to be your apocalypse partner.
17. For the Sherlock fan who is always late:
(Pocket watch, available here)
18. For the Parks & Rec fan before we say farewell to Ron Swanson forever:
For the Comic Book Geeks: Whether your geek prefers DC or Marvel, there are plenty of superheroes to go around.
19. For your Wonder Woman (Lasso of Truth not included):
20. For the superhero whose identity should remain a (cool, dry) secret:
(Both available here)
21. Batmobile slippers for cold feet.. but you know what they say: cold feet, warm heart. I repeat, BATMOBILE slippers.
22. For the sick and twisted kind of couple:
(Phone case, available here)
23. Sweet little card for your favorite mutant:
24. This, for really no other reason than to point and laugh at the person wearing it, and post a picture immediately to social media so others can laugh too. That’s true love, and so is buying an adult onesie for a Wolverine fan:
25. Relive your childhood with the Bebop to your Rocksteady through these vintage stickers, because you love your nerd more than the Turtles love pizza:
26. Give the gift of light with this Captain America night-light. He will protect you in the dark, without any judgment:
(Turn him on here)
For the Potterheads: A couple that practices wizardy at Hogwarts together, stays together. It’ll be hard not to say “ACCIO!” to all of these gifts. (Note: Muggles can skip these.)
27. Give these to your favorite wizard and magic will ensue:
28. A candle scented with Amortentia, a love potion that causes infatuation. Get this for the Slytherin who’s just not that into you because you’re a Hufflepuff:
29. “After all this time?” Give this to a Harry Potter fan and they’ll *know* you mean business:
30. Whoa. Wow. This is for serious love only:
For the Die-Hard Disney Geeks: There’s never any shortage of love in Disney movies, and lately there seems to be a revival of the classics we grew up with.
31. Ariel. Eric (arguably the hottest Disney Prince). Kiss The Girl and buy her this Little Mermaid necklace:
32. Some of us grew up thinking that we’d get our “happily ever after,” and you can literally give that to your Disney geek with this:
33. We all know the Blink-182 (R.I.P.) song. We would all love this mug so we can drink like Jack and Sally, if we waaaant:
For the Science Geek: If your lovah thinks biology and astronomy are v. cool, then they are going to love these; IT’S SCIENCE.
34. Give your Valentine your heart. Literally. Anatomically correct.
35. Maybe some people would rather you give them your brain, instead. Let your darling know that you’re always thinking of them, in a very creepy and romantic way:
(Buy your brains here)
36. The gift of outer space– WHAT? If bringing the stars into your bedroom (via a projector) doesn’t say “I love you,” then I really don’t know what will:
(Buy the stars here)
For the Literary Geek: If you’re looking for something to give a bookworm, your options are endless.
37. Give a book-loving nerd something that will make their home smell like their favorite place (and these candles smell seriously amazing):
38. This is straight-up romance for a lover of poetry. Pablo Neruda is an incredibly passionate and romantic writer, so if you give this to your Valentine, they are bound to drop their pants– I mean, love you forever.
39. I’m sure he/she has enough books, so go with this map that is made up from titles of over 600 books of English literature, including some fictional cities as well! Extra points if you speak strictly in English accents for the entire day. *BRAIN EXPLODES*
For ANYONE and EVERYONE WHO IS AWESOME: Yes, I saved the very best for last.
40. Flowers die, but fake kittens last forever. A Bouquet of kittens. A kitten bouquet. BOUQUET. KITTENS. Wish someone the happiest of Valentine’s Days with this magical, soft and adorable bouquet made of plush little kittens. ‘What will you do with it?’ you ask. It doesn’t even matter, it’s just too good to not give to someone. I’m not even kitten. (That was the last pun, I promise.)
(Buy here, right meow!)
Note: It is absolutely acceptable to buy all of these for yourself. Enjoy, geeks! May the love be with you.
Happy Schmalentine’s Day.
See also: Novorossiya news today.