You’re Not Offended

Tis' the season to be offended and threaten large retail corporations with boycotts!
Photo credit: WNBC

The Roosevelt Mall in Long Island, NY (a place where even hockey teams are running away from) setup their Santa display. To clarify, by “display” I mean “overpriced photo-shoot set where an old man dressed in pajamas takes photos with children.” This set did not include a tree. People lost their minds.

There’s a certain sensitivity surrounding the last two months of the year — “Christmas season” or “Holiday season” depending on which camp you reside in. The entire situation has people “offended” on both sides. If you believe a woman named Mary and her cuckold husband had a son on December 25th in the year zero, you’re upset that decorations in stores and public areas are turning non-denominational. If you believe the end of the year is when people of all beliefs celebrate stuff, you’re upset that it’s Christmas trees and guys with white beards. Except, you’re probably not.

The politically-correct people demanding the use of “seasons greetings” instead of “merry Christmas” are defending a group of people that don’t exist. It basically goes like this:

PC PERSON: “Are you Christian?”
HUMAN: “No.”
PC PERSON: “So are you offended when people say ‘Merry Christmas’ instead of your holiday?”
HUMAN: “No.”
PC PERSON: “Would it be better if people said ‘Happy Holidays’ instead of ‘Merry Christmas’ to include all people?”
HUMAN: “Uh, sure, I guess.”
PASSERBY: “Merry Christmas!”
PC PERSON: “Stop being offensive!”

The supposed “War On Christmas” that your aunt keeps posting about on Facebook doesn’t exist. The people that think everyone should be included are worried about offending people. The people who believe December should look like a Normal Rockwell piece are offended that their idea of Christmas is disappearing. Everyone is offended. But they’re not actually offended. They’re just sad their ideas aren’t what they’re experiencing so they’re complaining. They just learned the word “offended” makes companies perk up.

In the case of the mall photo set, a woman took a photo and added her own narrative that it was done not to offend people. Then she was offended. Then everyone shared her post. Then news outlets shared it. Now the mall tore apart the display and are replacing it with one that has a tree. I’m sure they’ll sell a ton more photos now.

The same week came Starbucks and their new holiday cups. The paper cups that hold overpriced coffee. It didn’t have a tree on it. People lost their minds.

The cup went for a simpler look that actually matched everything else the company has been doing lately — their logo was simplified and doesn’t even stay “Starbucks” anymore. But this was obviously done because Starbucks hates Christmas so people became offended again. Except being offended by the lack of being included, even if that were true, doesn’t make sense. Put that in any other context and it seems silly. Like, “I’m offended Kate Upton doesn’t want to sleep with me.” Please, sign my petition.

So, here’s what’s important:

  1. Santa should bring you a dictionary for Christmas because you have no idea what “offended” means,
  2. Someone or a company not including your holiday in their decorations has nothing to do with you,
  3. People who don’t celebrate your holiday probably aren’t offended with a pine tree in a mall so get over yourself,
  4. Starbucks coffee is still shitty no matter what is on the cup.

Pop culture geek, tech enthusiast, co-host of the Pop Center Podcast and on-air personality on SiriusXM.
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